How to Improve Your Sex Life – Eleven Ways to Enhance Intimacy

Once the marriage is few years old and the couples have settled in their daily routine intimacy between the couples take a back seat. Irregular shifts, busy routines, demanding in laws and children at home and bosses at office. Life starts to suck and boredom creeps in. And after a hard day at both office and home sex either becomes a routine to be followed or completely forgotten.

This is not just the case with the couples where both man and wife are working; it has become a common phenomenon among the present generation couples. So what to do? How to bring back that intimacy? Well here are few steps that may help you to bring back that lost passion and thus helping you to improve your sex life.

1. Communicate

Communication is the most important thing to keep any relation alive most importantly marriage. So keep the channels of communication open. Remember your spouse is also human so if you don’t tell what’s on your mind he will not know. Be direct in communicating your needs because men don’t take hints. They simply don’t understand them.

2. De-clutter your bedroom

Take out all the extras from your bedroom. Extras here would mean your children’s toys, books, newspapers; magazines (keep the adult ones though). Also don’t store luggage in your bedroom. Couples after a few years of marriage become complacent and hence start leaving their dirty laundry either in the bathroom or in the bedroom. Don’t. This is your bedroom not a laundry basket or store room.

3. Get rid of distractions

Television, computers, laptops or any such things should not find place in your bedroom. Of course you need to have a music system in the room but not the home theatre. If you are short on space then keep the TV either in the drawing room so that everybody has an easy access to it. Same goes for the PCs. Laptops can be kept in the cupboard or in the study where nobody can touch it.

4. Make your bedroom your romantic haven

Your bedroom should be your romantic haven. So decorate it with love. Put scented candles, flowers (dry potpourri, artificial or fresh flowers), aroma oils, and all things that create an impression of lovers den.

5. Choose soft lighting

Remove all the harsh lighting of bulbs and instead go for pink bulbs they radiate a soft glow and will create an ambiance suited for some fun with your spouse. If you don’t want to remove the bulbs you can use cellophane papers to cover the lights.

6. Use inviting bedspreads and curtains

Use silk, satin or sateen bedspreads for the nights at least if you can not put them throughout the day because everybody loves to sit in your bedroom. Use flowing curtains for the doors and windows in your bedroom to create a soft look.

7. Take care of yourself

Don’t forget to take care of yourself while taking care of the needs of your children, in laws or your spouse. Your spouse will appreciate it more if you take some time out for yourself as well.

8. Get away on romantic weekends

As the pressure of life increases outings are usually with the family including children and other relatives. So make sure to ditch the family once in a while and go on a romantic weekend. You can go to nearby place but make sure to go out as a couple and not as parents or children or siblings. Couple time outside bedroom is really important to improve your relationship which will help in improving your sex life

9. Play soft music

Shut out every noise from your bedroom and play some soft romantic music. Music is known to have a calming and soothing effect on the tensed body and is a great source of relaxation after a hard day at work. However, ensure that the sound does not go out of your room else your nosy in laws will come banging on your door to switch off and go to sleep.

10. Use candles

Candles and romance go hand in hand. The soft light radiating from the candles is considered as a mood enhancer. So place few scented candles in your bedroom and then watch how moods change.

11. Do things that connect you

How long has it been since you and your spouse did anything that connected you as a couple. Don’t let family take over your couples’ time. Remember you both are a couple first and then parents or siblings, so do things that connect you as a couple. It can be taking a shower together, or giving each other a sensual aroma massage or taking a bubble bath. You got the idea, connect as a couple and you will see tremendous improvement in your sex life.

These are just few of the ways you can improve your sex life, surely if you think and use your creativity you can find more ways to improve yours sex life. Happy bonding with your spouse!

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Telling Sex Stories Can Lead to a Great Orgasm – Secrets to Dirty Talk Sex

Telling sexy stories and talking dirty in bed can lead to having better intercourse and ultimately a great orgasm. Using dirty talk is really a form of foreplay and by using it you can stimulate you partner and turn them on. Many people get into a routine and this can become boring and lead to a non exciting love life. You need to spice it up and telling each other sexy stories can be one great options to put you in the mood.

The first thing that you want to do is to find out what fantasies the other one has this way you can cater the story around that interest. Do not be afraid to try this new technique on each other because you need to try new things always to keep your love life fresh and interesting. Women like it when you talk softly in there ear so you may want to tell your sex story there so that they can fell you close to them.

It is important that when you are talking dirty that you also caress and message each other so that you can hear and feel the pleasure. Remember that when a woman is going to have an orgasm that it is very important that you have prolonged foreplay because they take longer than a man to climax. Never rush through your love making or foreplay because you need to enjoy this time and to get more intimate.

It is always best that when you are trying something new that you have all the information you can so that you can have a successful time with your partner in bed.

 

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Couples and Sexuality – Amp Up Your Sex Life This Summer by Cooling Down!

Would you like to beat the heat to enhance your sex life this summer? Extreme heat in the summer months can be a love repellant, especially when you feel hot and bothered or when the kids are up and around for more hours. This can create a challenge for you making love with your partner. Does this sound familiar? If so, read on for some solutions….

It’s a hot one this year! Keeping hydrated with clean water at all times is of the utmost importance for your health and your sex life, no matter what activities you do. Here are five fun and affordable ideas on keeping your love life hot while your body stays cool this summer:

Love tip 1: Pool party for two
Cool down in the water then heat things up! Float, relax, and break out the rafts and noodles; whatever floats your boat! Play some nice soft music while you dip. Taking a swim in your pool is a wonderful way to cool down and connect. Remember to flirt, hug, and smooch in the pool to amp things up. If you have a private pool, then skinny dipping can be very daring and arousing. Take your time- move slowly towards and away from each other playfully. Making love in the water is a fun way to share your passion while staying cool, especially at night when the temperature drops a bit. If you have kids, send them to Grandmas or your favorite sitter for the night!

Love tip 2: Romantic indoor picnic:
Buy or prepare some cool treats for the two of you- veggie platter, cold salads, fruits, cheeses or anything else chilled and easy that you enjoy eating together. Make some cold drinks such as spiked lemonade, Mojitos or Margaritas. Remember that alcohol dehydrates, so drink some extra water with your picnic dinner. Set up your picnic blanket in the middle of the room. Light some small candle jars around the room and set the mood. One or both of you can prepare the feast.

Feed each other slowly in-between kissing and teasing each other. Enjoy yourselves by candlelight. You can also enhance the mood with nature CDs such as ocean, forest, lake, or whatever you find most romantic. Tonight, make love in a different room, such as the living room on the picnic blanket. Focus on giving each other oral pleasure tonight, so each of you has a turn to lay back, relax, and stay cool while enjoying the bliss of orgasm!
Love tip 3: Romantic movie date:

This cool date can be at home or out. If you go out to the movies, find a very romantic movie out in the theaters. There is usually at least one each summer. Find a seat in the back of the theater. Hold hands! Steal a kiss or two. Whisper sweet something to each other about what you will do to each other later. Share some popcorn and chilled water while you enjoy the movie. Laugh, cry, and then go home to make love.

Love tip 4: Racy movie date:
If you are at home, rent or buy a racy movie. There is a company called Candida Royalle that offers some softer adult films with cheesy romantic story lines. One site you can get them at is Adam Eve. You can also find some harder core adult films on that site, depending on your tastes. You can have fun with these movies, giggle or reenact some of the scenes together. Try some different sexual positions tonight, such as woman on top facing away from the man. This allows for maximum air circulation and freedom to move in a way that pleases her. Don’t forget to reach around to stimulate her clitoris to send her into O-land! Remember to drink plenty of water, and top it off with ice cream or some fruit salad.

Love tip 5: Cool and Hot Shower Time:
Instead of taking a hot shower tonight, make the water lukewarm or on the cooler side. Bring some waterproof toys such as I rub my duckie or a waterproof vibrator. You can also use a movable shower head that has different speeds for some soapy fun! Spend time lathering each other up. Take your time and use a nice scented soap, such as mango, raspberry or lemon.

By the way, vibrators can be for him and her! Massage each others back and front areas, focusing first away from the genitals and then later to the genitals. To stimulate her, use circular motions with the vibrator around the labia and clitoris where most of the nerve endings are. Later, insert one or two fingers gently into her vaginal canal. She may be able to reach one, two, three or more orgasms this way in a row. To get him going, stimulate his penis with one hand and using the vibrator underneath his testicles. Ask for feedback to see how it feels. Some people like vibrators and some don’t. Experiment with different speeds. When you are done, rinse off and dry each other off and then fall asleep together. Turn on the ceiling fans for some extra breeze.

5 Unusual Moscow Museums To Visit

As the capital city of Russia, Moscow has a plenty to offer to a traveller. And whether you are travelling in summer or in winter, there are many museums to provide shelter and food – for thought, as well as body. You have heard about the Pushkin Museum of Fine Arts, the State Historical Museum, the Tretyakov Gallery, and the Kremlin. But if you want to further explore Moscow, you must visit the following 5 places, located within the easy reach from the city centre.

1. The State Museum of Armed Forces.

Located towards the north of Moscow, the museum offers a fascinating and disturbing insight into the history of the Russian Army. Think of it as the U.K.’s Imperial War Museum, with a few gruesome artefacts. One part of the regular exhibition studies and celebrates the development of weapons and technical equipment. Another part of exhibition traces the wartime effort of the Russian people, the hardships and atrocities of the Great Patriotic War against fascism. Several halls are currently on reconstruction. However, the museum also has an outdoor exhibition where you can see the tanks and airplanes. There is also a chance to visit museum’s special exhibitions featuring the study of Marshal Georgy Zhukov and the Joseph Stalin’s bunker. Both exhibitions are based in separate buildings elsewhere in Moscow.

2. The G Spot Museum of Erotica

Finally, after years marked by the stigma of “no sex in the USSR”, it turns out that some like it hot – at least in Moscow. The erotic museum, G Spot, that has only recently opened in the capital, is the one to check out. It is located near Novy Arbat St, in the city centre, and has dutifully acquired a wide-spread publicity. Over 3000 exhibits include Indian erotic sculptures, installations, paintings, dolls, and adult toys. The world’s most expensive “Real Doll” is also there. Art meets sex at museum’s every corner, including a museum cafe, and if this is not enough, there is a non-stop screening of the film, “Sex in the USSR”. Needless to say, kids are not allowed, and teens must be accompanied by parents.

3. Alexander Bakhrushin Theatre Museum

Located a stone-throw away from the Paveletskaya underground station and the eponymous railroad terminal, this is a destination for all who appreciate the Russian drama and the work of Stanislavsky, Nemirovich-Danchenko, and Schepkin. The bulk of the collection on display traces the development of the Russian theatre, from the imperial court drama, through the foundation of the Maly Theatre, to the Parisian Russian Seasons and the beginnings of the Soviet theatre. Exhibits include stage and costume sketches and posters by the likes of Alexander Benoit and Leo Bakst, costumes, props and accessories donated to the museum by theatres and collectors.

4. Yuri Detochkin Carlift Museum

Yes, you can have a second glance at the name of the museum: it will not change. The museum opened its doors to the visitors in 2002; the name commemorates one of the best-known Soviet films, Beware of a Car (starring Innokenty Smoktunovsky) about a young car thief. A collection, lovingly amassed by the owner of a car salon, consists of an impressive array of tools and criminal evidence left by, or confiscated from, car thieves. As one could expect it in Russia, nothing is done half-heartedly: a car owner usually fights for his car, while the thief fights with the owner, sometimes using axes, hammers, and harpoons. Other exhibits include examples of the car theft left-overs, like destroyed sirens, fake documents, forged car plates, and even maps of Moscow districts most prone for car theft. In short, if you have always wanted to get a glimpse of the brutal world of Russian criminals, the Carlift Museum’s exposition awaits.

5. The Space Memorial Museum.

This museum is situated in the north of Moscow, a short walk away from the VDNKh (All-Russia Exhibition Centre) and the underground station under the same name. It is located in the basement of the magnificent Monument to the Conquerors of the Space, erected after the design by Sergei Korolev in 1964. The museum has been open to the public since 1981; 2011 was its 30th anniversary. The collection painstakingly documents the development of the Russian space science and space exploration, thus including not only research papers, photographic evidence, machines and equipment, but also space-inspired memorabilia. This is a spell-binding experience for all fans of sci-fi and cosmic stories, as well as a fascinating story of one of the seminal Russian breakthroughs of the 20th century.

New Los Angeles Play, Mustang Sally, Explores Root Cause Of Sex Crimes By Teachers

The plethora of female teachers charged with sexual misconduct with their male students is now such a common news headline that playwright Linda Felton Steinbaum was compelled to write her new play, Mustang Sally, which addresses the intriguing similarities of the families of the perpetrators. “To say these families are dysfunctional is an understatement,” says Linda. “And so many of them! It’s shocking how young the majority of the victims are. Most assume that if a female teacher finds herself in an inappropriate relationship with an underage boy, he must be very mature and manly. Not so. Almost fifty percent of these boys are 13 or younger.”

Los Angeles Theatre audiences have been barraged with headlines and news stories of female teachers and sex crimes such as: Joan Marie Sladky with a 16-year old, Lakina Stutts, age 40 with a 14 year old student, Deana Bobo 37, sex with 14 year old, Bethany Sherrill 24 with 14 year old, Susan Eble 35 — 14 year old, Tara Lynn Crisp 29 — 14 year old, Debra LaFave with a 14 year old boy, Kelly Lynn Dalecki 28 with 13 year old boy, Sherry Brians 41– with a 12 year old, Pamela Turner 27 — 13 year old boy, Mary Kay Letourneau was 34 when she had sex with a 12 year old, Carol Flannigan 50 — 11 year old former student – and we dare not leave out Laura Lynn Findlay who pleaded guilty to 22 counts of criminal sexual activity with 8th grade band students! That makes each victim around age 13. The list seems endless – all were teachers.

Linda studied the family structure of female teachers who find themselves involved in sexual misconduct (statutory rape) with their male students. According to Harry Krop, a licensed psychologist in Gainesville, FL, “The motivation for adult women who form a sexual relationship with boys is different than men who develop relationships with girls. Men who have sex with girls tend to have sexual disorders, such as pedophilia. But for women, it’s not about the sex, but rather the romance. It’s more of a need to be desired, to have someone find them attractive and the need for attention,” Krop said in a Gainesville Sun article of 11-17-2005.

“Though the dynamics for female vs. male offenders are different, it’s still a crime if the boy is underage, even if the sex is consensual,” says Ms. Steinbaum. “Boys are often confused by messages they see in movies, TV and the media. They get the repetitive message that if they are presented with an opportunity to have sex, they are somehow required to comply to prove their masculinity. This is even more confusing if the offer comes from a woman in authority.”

Krop agrees. He says, “A sexual relationship with an older woman also causes long-term problems for the young (male) victim. These victims tend to have more psychological damage than young girls,” Krop said. “They have boundary issues and intimacy problems. They are usually vulnerable, and women look for that.”

“We need to protect our sons as well as our daughters,” says Linda. “It disturbs me that this can be so easily dismissed by society, especially because it’s happening more often than you might think. School boards need to put serious deterrents in place to discourage other female teachers who might find themselves ‘drawn’ to their young male students.”

Top theatrical director Arturo Castillo has been secured to lead the world premiere production of Mustang Sally. Arturo has directed in many large Equity venues including the National Theatre in London. We are very excited to have a director with Arturo’s experience committed to this production. I have worked with Arturo before and, like me, he is most excited about new theatrical pieces that have a timely message and can make a real difference in society.

Sex Story: How to Craft a Great One

When it comes to sex, so much emphasis is placed on what people do. And for obvious reason. But what about what people say? Particularly for long-distance lovers, words become an important device for expressing themselves and connecting sexually. While men must focus on maintaining good penile health so that any visual materials they send aren’t alarming, and so that they will be able to perform once the lover is nearby, they should equally attend to their verbal abilities so they can please partners in the present with a tailored sex story.

Now, anyone can tell a sex story, but not everyone can tell a truly thrilling one. Below, men can find tips for telling a tale that stokes a lover’s passion. And, while this is certainly desired in the case of long-distance lovers, it can also be of benefit to those near and dear, spicing things up in the bedroom.

1. Learn what she likes (and doesn’t). Any man can tell a story about what he likes, and about what other women he’s been with have liked, but tailoring a story to a particular lover’s preferences and fantasies will make all the difference for her. So some explicit pre-conversation will be very helpful. Does she have any kinks or fetishes? What positions does she love? Does she like to be in control, to relinquish control or a combination of the two? What kind of foreplay really gets her going? Where are her hot spots, inside and out?

Once a man has the details, he can use them wisely throughout his story. He should be careful not to turn the story into a formulaic bullet-point list of her desires. Intersperse aspects of what she likes with what the story-teller craves – having made sure that she is comfortable with what he likes. Learning what she doesn’t like is just as important here.

2. Get into her pleasure. This is one of the most important general sex tips, not just a story-telling tip. But a story is going to be much better if a man not only “ticks the boxes” of a lady’s preferences, but actually gets into the idea of pleasuring her. This opens him up to more descriptive language, imagining her writhing, moaning, gasping and so on, and responding sexually himself to her reactions, describing how much he enjoys the pleasure his “character” is giving hers.

3. Interactive or monologue? Lovers can play around with different formats for story-telling. They may want to start off exchanging monologues about what they want to do and to have done to them. Then they can move to live chatting or speaking in which the primary story-teller is open to interjections and revisions from the other, or the two can take equal turns building the tale.

4. It’s all in the details. Telling a great sex story requires consistency and detail – imagine the way bodies are positioned throughout, and make reasonable transitions to other positions. Were her hands tied behind her back? If she’s going to use her hands on one’s member in the next scene, they need to be untied, for example. Breaking consistency can break the magic of a steamy tale.

5. Be realistic. The best sex story is realistic. If a man writes or says that the second he enters a woman, she climaxes, that’s not likely to titillate her because it’s not likely to happen in real life. Don’t write about crazy positions that her flexibility or one’s own strength would not facilitate. While it may seem like no big deal to portray ideals and wild fantasies, this could convey to her that a man wants or expects things she can’t deliver, and that’s not a sexy thought.

Many couples choose to supplement their verbal tales with risqué pictures, and that’s a great idea for people who trust one another. A good sex tip for guys in this vein is to be mindful to make their organs as presentable as possible so that their dick pics are appealing. Minding the condition of the skin is crucial here. A penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) with Shea butter and vitamin E will keep the skin moisturized, eliminated the common issues of dryness and flakiness. Plus, such a product will help minimize chafing, which is inevitable with all the cranking a man is likely to do while crafting and receiving hot sex stories.

Sex Stories – Could it Be the Climax to a Great Night’s Sleep?

Did you know that sex stories may be the answer to getting a good night’s sleep? Yup, that’s right sex stories. Sounds a heck of a lot better than Valium or elephant sized doses of sleepy time tea, doesn’t it? Sex has been proven to be a great sleep inducer and spicing up your sex life with sex stories can be a big help in getting the sleep you need. There is no argument that the restorative powers of sleep are needed for a healthy and happy lifestyle. Sex stories can help add to your sex life making the sex better as well as your sleep.

Not sleeping can be dangerous to your health, but using sex stories as a sex aid can help stem off the negative stimuli that causes us not to be able to sleep. Studies have shown that sleep deprivation can bring on serious disease such as dementia and Parkinson’s disease. Not to mention how it can generally mess up other things in your life like your work, family life relationships, etc. The key is to wind your body and brain down just before bed and sex is the perfect way to do that. Using sex stories can put your in the mood to have sex by exciting your mind and helping to reach a better and more satisfying orgasm. That is what puts you to sleep, the release.

Some may argue that reading sex stories would get your brain too excited and may not be the best way to get a good night’s slumber. Not true. As mentioned before, it’s the release in sex that brings the mind and body down into a restful satisfied state more conducive to deep sleep. Excitement before bed such as action movies or going for a jog or other exercise have negative effects on your sleep because the endorphin build up stimulates your brain without the benefit of release. This is what causes your brain to work overtime and diminishes your ability to fall asleep.

Sex stories definitely have a nice dual effect don’t they? Spicing up your sex life while enjoying a restful night’s sleep should sound pretty good to just about anyone! Sleep is so important to your health, so is sex, so this sleep remedy is a real winner! Sure is a lot more attractive than trips to the doctor, pharmacy or the health food store.

Sugar Mummies Portrays Female Sex Tourism at a Jamaica All Inclusive Resort

A controversial play which recently opened on London’s West End examines the issue of the sex tourism in Jamaica which attracts flocks of lonely women looking for flings with young black men. Are these sex holidays sleazy or merely harmless romantic vacations? London’s Royal Court Theatre – often a venue for controversy – is staging playwright Tanika Gupta’s Sugar Mummies, starring Lynda Bellingham as one of four middle-aged women who come to Jamaica to try out male prostitutes. And, there is oodles and oodles of sex in the play. Even before Sugar Mummies opened it ignited a hot debate about female sex tourism: is it merely harmless fun – a mutually-beneficial business transaction? Or, is it rank exploitation – and if so, of whom and by whom? Are the victims the women who believe declarations of true love; or are the victims the poor, unemployed young men who make them? Why should female sex tourism be viewed in a different light than male sex tourism, which is often characterized as being sleazy male chauvinist piggery? And does Sugar Mummies perpetuate a racist myth of hyper-sexual black men?

The play takes place against the backdrop of a Jamaica all inclusive resort at Negril Beach, where hero Leroy explains that for the gigolos, it’s an easy and fun way to make money; and for the women it’s some “real good lovin'”. The English ladies who come to Negril complain that the men back home are cold, selfish, uncomplimentary, and mechanical; the gigolos know how to make ladies feel good. Besides, everyone in Jamaica is poor, and the lonely English ladies seem like millionaires by comparison. The gigolos don’t charge a set price – they are not prostitutes, really. There is a tacitly agreed-upon, but mutual, deception which underlies a client-gigolo relationship. Payment is never mentioned since this would destroy the illusion that she is the most gorgeous woman he has ever met, and that he is madly in love with her. But after charming their woman and offering to be their guides, the gigolos set about extracting as much money as they can – sometimes in subtle ways.

Sugar Mummies opens on two 22-year old gigolos, Leroy and Sean, who spot two forty-something white women who have just arrived. Leroy warns them against Jamaican men, who will try to hassle them and rip them off. Apparently genuinely concerned for the women’s well-being, he and Sean offer to show them around and look after them. The women protest that they are so old, but Leroy replies “You ageless. In Jamaica real men like the cat – not the kitten. Mature, beautiful women like you.” The men are funny, and very complimentary; and the women figure “What the hell – you only live once.” Lynda Bellingham is excellent in the role of Maggie, a tragic, broken woman who is a habitual adult vacation sex tourist. Playwright Gupta explains that her purpose was to explore why these women feel so lost that they must pay for affirmation. The humor arises from the pathos of sad, middle-aged women believing that beautiful, twenty year old men have really fallen in love with them at first sight. Sugar Mummies is raunchy, steamy, and very funny.

How Women Enjoy Eroticism Through Sex Stories

Most heterosexual women do not masturbate. They also do not find the concepts of eroticism or fantasy that appealing. So who reads all the feminine erotica out there?

Presumably some lesbian women masturbate and read erotica. In fact, female masturbation and clitoral stimulation are often associated with lesbianism. Perhaps this is why so much female erotica focuses on women’s bodies and sex between women.

No offence to lesbian or bisexual women but I am straight. I like male body parts, male psyche and sexual acts involving men. The woman is incidental. I enjoy homosexual erotica because I imagine myself on the receiving end of fellatio or anal sex, for example.

Female erotica often includes humiliation, domination and sadism. The titles of women’s sex stories abound with words such as: slave, chains, torture, bound, obey, submission. Do women associate sex with feeling ‘dirty’ or guilty about their sexual urges?

I like the wholehearted enthusiasm for sex that is portrayed in homosexual erotica. There is no virginal reluctance or demure disgust. People just enjoy the eroticism of sexual activity without anyone being forced into anything against their will (not always but mostly).

I admit that domination can be arousing. Given there is so much out there I have read my share. One book of sex stories involved a series of sadistic scenarios and frankly I was quite relieved when I eventually tired of the never-ending pain. My conclusion is that the concept of sadism may get me going but, for me at least, it does not cause orgasm.

It was a revelation to me that, unlike pornography, erotica is not intended solely for the purposes of causing sexual arousal. Perhaps this explains why I often struggle to find sex stories for women that can assist with orgasm. I have to wonder though… what else does anyone read this stuff for?

Shere Hite was phenomenal but sadly few women relate to her findings. This is because most women approach sex through their relationship with their lover. They have no concept of enjoying their own sexual arousal through clitoral stimulation. Equally they have never discovered the pleasures of sexual fantasies.

I read Hite when I was twenty and I understood that clitoral stimulation was critical to female orgasm from masturbation. However, clitoral stimulation never seemed to help with my sexual arousal during sex with my partner. The fact is that even during female masturbation, clitoral stimulation only leads to orgasm when it is combined with the use of sexual fantasies.

Men have a fairly natural transition from masturbation to sex because they use images of naked women for arousal. Women do not use images of naked men during masturbation so it is more difficult for them to transfer their orgasm techniques including their use of sexual fantasies to sex with a partner.

To Hell With True Love, I Want Friends With Benefits!

Friends with Benefits is Hollywood’s second installment of 2011 on substituting casual sex for a real love relationship. A Screen Gems release scheduled to hit theatres on 22 July, the film stars Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis. The movie comes on the coat tails of Paramount’s No Strings Attached starring Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher released in January. In addition to the two movies, a new NBC sitcom Friends with Benefits is scheduled to premiere on August 5. Is Hollywood trying to proclaim 2011 as the year that America finally comes to grips with the sexual revolution? It has been over forty years since the “summer of love”, yet this year’s Hollywood propagated casual sex theme seems vaguely familiar. Maybe Timothy Leary and the rock opera Hair were on to something in the sixties. Not!

The term “friends with benefits” was coined ten years ago, around the turn of the century. It originally referred to college and high school teenagers practicing casual sex without the commitment of a love relationship. Often applied to oral sex acts between teenagers of the day, the phrase also carried a generational rebel yell in response to the cultural pressure to practice safe sex. Although the term may be trendy, coming of age young adults have explored their sexuality since we donned the first loincloths, so the concept is any thing but new.

In the context of the movie, the casual partners are adults not sexual neophytes learning about the mystery of sex; and therein lies the lie. When applied to sane, sober adults Friends with Benefits is simply not desirable. It is a good bet that one of the partners is lying about their emotional and intellectual disconnection, and secretly desires something more. It is impossible for the average human to separate the instinctual level of mind from their perceptual and conceptual levels and participate in repetitive, mechanical sex with the same partner without developing emotional and/or intellectual ties. I would like to meet the adult woman and man who could share carnal knowledge on a regular basis where neither develops a true love fantasy about the other. In a random poll of 50 men and 50 women between the ages of 21 and 40, not one person stated that they would prefer a “friends with benefits” relationship over true love. Giving the devil his due, the contrived, predictable plot line of the movie reflects reality as the casual sexual partners eventually develop feelings for each other.

Unfortunately, many of us may relate to the title of the movie for a different reason and associate the idea of “friends with benefits” to the emotional and intellectual disconnections of our own failed love relationships. We can recall turning to familiar sex as an attempt to cope with relationship discourse. As the movie illustrates, sex is a poor substitute for true love and only provides a fleeting reprieve from the sources of disconnection and frustration. It is common for couples in a troubled relationship to employ the “friends with benefits” strategy in order to recapture the infatuation of their early throes of romance. Although a great idea, without the knowledge to achieve real emotional and intellectual growth, sex by itself is usually not enough to save the relationship.

Here is the good news. If you are like most mentally healthy and not chemically dependent adults and looking for true love versus “friends with benefits,” it may be easier to find than you think. The balanced instinctual, emotional, and intellectual connections shared between love partners, true love, is the pinnacle of love relationships. In order to achieve an enduring true love there are only two requirements. First, a strong mutual physical attraction must exist between partners. Second, both partners must be willing to grow by valuing each other’s emotional and intellectual behaviors.

Be mindful of the implied assumption of a mutual physical attraction because this is not always the case among adults. Some adults are fully capable of entering a love relationship devoid of an instinctual physical attraction to their partner, but openly proclaim attraction through words. Commonly referred to as trapping behavior, the reasons include dating fatigue, gold, gospel, glory, convenience, and sex. These love traps can be the cruelest of true love buzz kills because they frequently involve a lesser partner relationship. That is when one partner has a strong physical attraction and the other is a friend receiving benefits. If your love relationship is devoid of a strong mutual physical attraction, it is a safe bet that at some point, one of you will be looking for something more.

Growth through valuing our partner’s feelings and thoughts sounds easy but isn’t. Many of us will spend our lives seeking the comfort of a “compatible” love partner or settling for a “friends with benefits” arrangement in order to avoid this mental growth. We cause relationship friction when we think in terms of right and wrong. If we open up the options from only right and wrong in a given area to accept that there are other methods, approaches, points of view, behaviors, etc…. that are not necessarily wrong, just different, then we can feel safe exploring our partners behaviors. Providing a safe mental environment for our partner to do the same is essential for the connections of true love to form.

When the connections of true love are established, they blend these levels of mind in the now through enjoying the physical, creating a balanced emotional state, and expanding conscious horizons for both individuals. This promise is why we try so hard to find true love or attempt to reestablish it when it goes missing. Friends with Benefits may provide entertainment at the box office but as a life style it just doesn’t stack up to the real thing.